Today an eight pushes the seven to follow the two.

I had already prepared myself, almost convinced in fact, that I had been 28 for at least three months. In such process it has become clear that I will have many momentous events occur.

First, I will graduate from my master’s program, hopefully achieving some piece of mind in that my approach to life can manifest in some tangible monetary form. Not that I look for much, just enough to cover my investment and eventually purchase a home where I can grow roots.

It will also be 2008. I see no coincidence there as I constantly look for how things are related. There seems to be a beautiful interplay between the qualitative and the quantitative on such days. Reflection, anticipation (which I consider to be the most complicated of emotions) and a surprising calmness dominate the internal conversation.

Maybe I have stopped saying “by this age I hope to have such and such accomplished.” I don’t think that twenty-eight was one of those numbers that filled my head when I was young as a marker for accomplishment. Twenty-one, five, even four were stressed more.

My guess thus far is that you can only give yourself gifts on your birthday. The gift of knowing that you have had another year of experience and something else to add to the construction of the “meaning of life.” That freaking out is worthless as only you are adversely affected by it. That no matter how hard you try, it is never enough for yourself, therefore you have to consistently strike internal compromise. That wanting to get things done largely entails doing it yourself, but also it feels like when it counts you have to let someone else take the credit or ownership. That is part of growing up. That is part of letting go of self-importance, only to realize that is all we have.

Everything is constructed by my perceptions. Everything happens outside of me, but its reasons for doing so is only understood by me through internal conversations. This is not unique, everyone does this, we just have different levels of self-actualization. An example:

Today when I pulled up to work my scooter miles were 420. I remember April 20th, it was a wonderful day. Samara and I bought fruit and flowers while Quintina and I caught it on tape. It felt like the first day of spring. People were flowers and I had a walk though the poppies.

Every number has an experience, therefore every quantitative has a qualitative. To me the secret, which really isn’t one, is active memory. Use the two qs to create a symbiotic relationship to not only construct your reality, but to remember it.

I found myself saying that the “before” and “after” is much better than “the during.” Maybe that is why so many people have a hard time living for the moment, because it is the least fun. Retrospect, “hindsight is 20/20,” daydreaming, planning all take place in a realm outside of the immediate. They imply action but do not take it.

What I have learned from my 28 years on my 28th birthday as of 12:02 pm, your birthday is only what you make it, but its nice when people remember.

You also learn to avoid validation through a birthday. Your life is not summed up by who remembers to wish you a happy birthday.

On dealing with disappointment: cognizance of expectations and reasons for such. What do you expect to happen and why? How do you get over it?

Oh yeah, and I guess you have to be on facebook or myspace for anyone to remember.